More...?

I've always known that I wanted at least two children. When we first went through IVF I never really contemplated that we would stop at one. And even after all that we'd been through, when Charlotte was only little I was already thinking that one or even two more would be nice. I love the idea of Charlotte having brothers or sisters to play with. I have a close relationship with my siblings now and remember all the fun of growing up with them.
Even at the 6 week checkup with my OB, we were thinking that we would start trying again when Charlotte was around 12 months. When my OB asked whether I wanted to use "stork repellent" we pretty much decided that we wouldn't use anything, and see what happened.
This was all fine anyway as I didn't get AF back until about 7 months after the birth. But when it did, it also brought back alot of emotions I wasn't prepared for. All of a sudden I was back to thinking about ovulation, and mucous, and DTD on cue. I also found myself feeling upset at others who had recently become pregnant with apparent ease. They seemed to be everywhere! It was after AF arrived for the second time that James and I sat down and had a really big chat. We both had gotten quite upset at another month without a baby. I didn't really understand these feelings. I know that they are common, and I felt them when we went through it all the first time. But we have our precious girl. Part of me keeps thinking I should be happy with that and not expect anything more. I remember feeling very angry at seeing a woman at the clinic with her toddler when I was going through a cycle. I felt like she shouldn't be wasting others resources as she already had one child. These irrational thoughts dominate your mind as you ride the infertility roller coaster.
So James and I decided on a plan for treatment. We will try naturally for the next few months and try to eat healthily, take vitamins and whatever else we need to do. But after that we will go back to the clinic and start again either before Christmas or just after New Years. A big concern for us is finances, as they are changing the caps with the medicare safety net. This means we simply cannot afford to continue cycle after cycle... and this thought alone makes me feel depressed.
AF arrived yesterday again, which I'm trying not to feel disappointed about. It does help that I feel a little tired and run down at the moment so the thought of being pregnant again is quite off-putting. But I don't want to think about that, otherwise I think I would never want another! So bring on another month of DTD!