Saturday, November 27, 2010


So apparently I am complicated. My specialist told me this last time I saw him. I had to see my GP yesterday (I have a mild throat infection) and his words were "you are very complicated, I wouldn't want to keep you as a patient". Great. (He wasn't my normal GP, he was the standby one when I can't see my normal one).

I don't really feel that complicated. It's just when you start looking at my medical history that it looks that way. On the one hand I find this rather amusing as I am so used to dealing with all of these issues (the BP, tachycardia's, the IVF, haemachromatosis etc). I don't really think of them as being a problem. But it is also very annoying. I would like to have a boring straightforward pregnancy and not have to see specialists and get blood tests and so on. But I also don't feel well and feel like I'm struggling so maybe all these "complications" are the reason. And that makes me feel better that it isn't in my head.

Tomorrow I have a phone interview with the hospital midwives. It is a fairly standard interview with history and current status and so on. I remember doing it with Charlotte. It should be a fairly short interview (20 minutes or so) but I bet mine will go for longer as I have all these "complications" to discuss.

On the home front it looks like we won't be going on our babymoon any time soon. James isn't quite recovering as well as he would like from his operation. I thought that this would happen as he is getting older and these things hit us harder. And I know how it feels since I've had 6 operations in the last few years. But at least he felt up to giving me a sleep in this morning (we tend to tag team getting up to Charlotte but this past week I have been doing it all, which is just exhausting since she likes to get up around 5.30 am). Oh well, who needs sleep anyway?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Must not scratch...

At 21 weeks I am itchy. It is driving me crazy. My arms, face, neck, anywhere. And the more I think about it, the itchier I get. Last night it was driving me crazy. Of course I then convinced myself that I have something called "choleostasis of pregnancy" which depending on what you read, can be a very serious condition or not :

I will mention it at my next OB appt though (if it still continues) as it is driving me mad. And reading some of the symptoms listed, it seems to fit how I am feeling now, but then, so does being pregnant. I probably don't have it as my palms and feet aren't itchy, just everywhere else. I love being a hypochondriac, it allows you to fill your day with anxiety!

I was getting quite anxious about feeling bubba move, as he just didn't seem active enough. But I am now feeling him more often and last night even saw my belly jump! (well, jiggle is a better way of describing it).

Some good news is that I am completely off the prednisone. Yay! I got down to 2mg this week then just decided to stop. I really don't know if it has made a positive difference to how I feel. One thing that has happened is my nausea has returned. It is a low grade, almost constant yuck feeling. My appetite has also severely decreased and there are times when I can't eat a thing, or I vomit it back up. James and I had a huge fight this week as I couldn't eat something he had cooked. He seems to take it personally when it is a really random thing. Some days I want to eat, some days I don't. I have gone off vegetables, but can eat lettuce. I don't like beef stir frys, but a good thick steak is yummy. It's annoying for me too.

It has been a big week all round. I took Charlotte to Queens Park in Ipswich which has an animal reserve that is free to enter. We went with our mothers group and it was SO much fun, letting the girls run around and look at all the animals. Then the next day, James had sinus surgery which has knocked him around a bit. And today I got a haircut. this doesn't seem big, but I haven't had one since January. It is the sort of thing that I can't really justify spending money on, so put off for ages. But it feels great. I am really tired now, and physically sore. I think that is because I have been carrying Charlotte around a bit more than I would normally.

So I'm hoping that I start to feel a bit better and James recovers well as I desperately want to go on a little family holiday. We will have to see.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


I am 20 weeks today, halfway. When I think of it like that it seems that time has gone very quickly. But then I think that bubs isn't due until April next year and it feels sooo long away. And then I also think about the last few months and it feels like time has gone both quick and slow (especially slow when I was bleeding, and vomiting, and stressing every second).

I saw both my OB and the physician yesterday. The physician didn't offer anything more. He still thinks that the prednisone is causing the bp issues. I'm now down to 4mg so nearly off it. He also wanted me to get a repeat blood test, even though I got one done 3 weeks ago. He though I looked "pale" today (I always look pale) and just wants to check that my haemoglobin levels aren't dropping too much. They were 140 odd 3 weeks ago which apparently is quite good so who knows. I see him again in 4 weeks.

I then saw Sile. Can I say again how much I love this woman. She makes me feel so comfortable. I seem to be measuring fine, and we heard the heartbeat briefly. I stressed that my ongoing cough and sore throat is REALLY annoying and she gave me a script for an antacid. She (and actually the physician) think it is caused by reflux. I was a bit dubious about this as I am really snotty too. But I took one last night, and the cough seemed to settle down. It hasn't been anywhere near as bad today either. So all up the visits went fine.

I've actually been feeling quite good the last few days. Mornings are terrible still but it is more my heart rate which makes me feel off. It seems to race and I find standing up and doing anything quite a challenge. It has been really humid too and that is getting to me. I did some chores this morning and it took a few goes just to get started as I kept needing to sit down. And then I think I overdid it as my back was killing me, and also my round ligaments. (Sile explained these to me yesterday, basically all the muscles holding our tummies in stretch and hurt!)

But it has finally warmed up enough to get back into the pool. The water is still a bit nippy, but it sure does help cool me down and feel a bit better. Charlotte LOVES it. She runs to the side, jumps in, then swims to the steps to do it again. I'm so glad we kept up the swimming lessons but don't know what we will do once bubs comes along. I might have to convince James to either look after bubs or take Charlotte.

Friday, November 12, 2010

It's a.....


After the big meltdown last week I was still feeling pretty anxious about the scan on Thursday, even though I'd been feeling a few kicks all morning. The minute they started the ultrasound my heart skipped a beat until we saw bubba's heart, flickering away. Bubba was being particularly unco-operative and kept moving his hand to wherever the sonographer was trying to scan. Or he would turn away, she would move her wand, and then he would turn back! It took nearly two hours to get all of the measurements which was fine by me as we got to have a really good look at bubba. And all is well, he is measuring nearly right on for dates and is looking cute as a button!

He also wouldn't uncross his legs so for a while there we thought we wouldn't be able to find out the sex. After ages he moved, and the sonographer had a good look and said "it's a boy, very clearly". I didn't think that I cared what we were having, but when she said this I started to cry! I didn't react at all like this when we found out Charlotte was a she, (and secretly I really did want a girl) so I'm not sure why this moment was so emotional.

After the sonographer was done the radiologist came in to check things over (which is normal procedure). We seem to attract interesting health professionals and he was no exception. He asked how the "mad Sile" was doing (our OB) and then had a laugh that we also had the "crazy Warren". He had a good look at everything and got some more pictures. At one point we could see bubba swallowing, and he froze a few frames. He then flipped them back and forward and said "see, baby's laughing at us". Which was cute and he seemed to find it hilariously funny. I would say that we had a great experience with our scan and feel really reassured now that bubs (so far) is looking good.

Of course now we have to think of a name! I haven't been able to think of any boys names which is why I thought we were having a girl. James and I had a big talk all the way home about names, but still no clear winners. Oh well, I guess we still have a few months to think of one! I keep thinking that James is going to have a son, and get emotional again. I hope that this is what I need to connect more with bubba. It helps too that he is moving alot more now, I think I even saw my belly move last night. Plus I get to go shopping now for itsy bitsy cute little blue things. Yay!

And here are a few pics from the scan:

Ok, I know this one looks a little odd and creepy but the health professional in me is fascinated. It is bubs back so you can see his spine, the ribs, his scapula, right up to the head where you can just see the jaw bones. Super cool.

Our gorgeous little boy. I think he has my nose!

Sunday, November 7, 2010


I am blaming it on the hormones, but I can cry at the drop of a hat. Anything sets me off. The huggies ads on tv, a tv show, a memory of a tv show, looking at babies, talking about babies, my gosh just about anything.

Yesterday I had a massive meltdown. I have been feeling really anxious about bubba. I've been getting some kicks, but not that many, and so I have been worried that something might be wrong. Last night I just lost it and cried and cried. I don't think James understood and he kinda made it worse (although I can't explain how). I wish I could stop worrying.

Yesterday was a stressful day though. We went and got a money box for my nephew and got it engraved. This was for D, and it has been nearly a year that he passed away. I have been thinking alot about it and finding this really hard. Getting the money box has just made it more real that he isn't here. When we bought it, I just about started sobbing in the jewellery store, I'm sure the shop assistant thought I was weird. I'm not sure if my sister will like it, or if it is the right thing to do, but it feels right to me.

Also worrying me yesterday was Charlotte. She had been running high temps all week but the last few days it had come down. Saturday morning she was holding her ear and saying "owie". After a few hours at the shops she was lethargic, and had a fever. We knew she was really sick when we stopped at a big fish tank and she hardly even batted an eyelid (normally she loves the fish tank, and says "bubbles, bubbles!"). We were very lucky and managed to see a doctor quite quickly, by which time she had a temp of 39 and only wanted cuddles (not like her at all). Surely enough she has an ear infection so is now on antibiotics. We walked out of there and I nearly started crying!

So sick babies, stillbirths, and worse are on my mind at the moment. No wonder I had a meltdown last night! I've also been doing a bit of reading about IVF and anxiety. I knew that IVF mothers can be more anxious but I actually found some articles which were quite clear that we can be more anxious throughout pregnancy and those first few months. We can also have difficulties connecting with the pregnancy as it doesn't seem real after everything we have gone through. I found this blog site (which is also a book) and she puts it better here:

Of course after worrying that bubba wasn't moving, today it has been more active. Unfortunately I've also been feeling quite sick the last few days and actually vomited yesterday for the first time in weeks. But at least my pill count is down. I'm down to 7mg of prednisone which is great. All up I'm taking 10 pills a day (and 2 of those are vitamins) which is just wonderful. I keep looking at them thinking I'm missing something.

But this week we have the morphology scan, and yes we will be finding out the gender. We have had enough surprises! This will also be the longest we have gone without seeing or hearing bubba, so that probably isn't helping my anxiety at all. So I can't wait until Thursday!