Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Another month gone

Time really flys so quickly. I feel like life is so busy but when I think about what I've done, I really can't think of anything! The days blur into a mess of nappies, food, sleep or no sleep! We had a visit from my parents last week which was lovely. They are so good with Charlotte and Mum even babysat one night so James and I could go to the movies. We went and saw Julie & Julia in Gold Class. It was a nice movie although I didn't like the ending. But one part in it brought tears to my eyes, when Julia Child's gets a letter from her sister saying that she is pregnant. She begins to cry and has to assert to her husband that she is happy. I'm sure that anyone who has never known the burden of infertility probably thought she was crying because she was happy. Whereas I was thinking "I know that pain, that grief of your baby that will never be" and I weeped with her.
So we have gone another month without getting pregnant. AF arrived while my parents were here so I really didn't have the chance to stop and think about it, which was probably a good thing. I am still really torn about when we go back to the clinic. My deadline of Charlotte being 12 months is fast approaching, and I don't quite feel ready to do IVF again. But I am still really worried about the new caps to the medicare safety net. I rang the clinic the other day and they don't know what they will be. I think that is outrageous that the clinics don't know how it will impact on their fees.
But I saw a story on 60 minutes about women who have frequent miscarriages and who have had successful pregnancies after taking steroids. New research has found an autoimmune response that is causing the miscarriages. It made me think of my treatment, and that after 5 failed embryo transfers, the one that worked was when I was taking prednisone. Perhaps I too have an autoimmune response? I do want to go back to the specialist to talk about this and see if there is any testing that can be done. But I have to stop procrastinating and see the GP first. James is going away on business very soon so I have to do it before then!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Ups and downs

So the last few weeks have been a bit like a roller coaster. We had a few good nights of sleeping, then back to several night wakings. We are now back to waking twice a night, but at 11pm and 4-5 am, which is alot more civilised. It means that I have been getting at least 4 hours solid sleep a night. Having this extra sleep really does make the world of difference to me.
On top of some sleep/less nights, Charlotte has been quite a grizzly baby. She seems to be teething again. It doesn't seem to stop, but we can see the top teeth just about to break through. When she is teething she just wants cuddles, and does not want me to leave her side. Which is fine, but then if you pick her up and cuddle her she wants to hit, claw, scratch at you. I find this more frustrating than any other thing she does. She scratched my lip a few weeks back, and it still hasn't healed properly. She doesn't do it deliberately, just flails her arms around and collects whatever is there.
But on the positives, Charlotte is SO gorgeous right now. I look at her and want to cry because she is so precious. And the learning just keeps on happening. She started to clap her hands, and bang objects together. She has been putting objects in her mouth to crawl but has learned to throw them in front of her and crawl to them. And I know I keep saying it, but I do think she isn't far off walking. I'm since coming to realise that she possibly won't walk for a while, but it is nice to think about what may come. We took her to the park last week and she had her first go on the slippery slide. I'm not sure who was more excited, her or me, but it was fun.
Today is a swimming today and I just love being in the water with her. So better get ready for that!