A good reason for not posting

Sorry I haven't updated in a while – I have a good reason. We had a lovely Easter away, and I felt a bit better. However that week home the nausea and fatigue increased significantly. The Sat after Easter I woke up and the room was spinning. The next few days got gradually worse and I got to the point where I couldn’t stop vomiting. I was pretty desperate, I tried every drug I had and even some acupuncture (which suffice to say didn't work). I was nauseas, dizzy, had double vision, blurriness, and simply couldn’t move without vomiting. I also had a bad nystagmus, where the eyeball just flicks around involuntarily which was very unpleasant.

On the Wednesday I managed to see my specialist who admitted me to hospital. I had a rough night that first night. They had me on fluids but not much else, and nothing much was happening. The next morning I was a wreck and thankfully had a wonderful nurse who sat with me while I sobbed away and she got things happening. She spoke to my neuro-surgeon who ordered an MRI, my ENT, and an ophthalmologist review. They started me on dexamethasone, a very strong steroid, as they thought that there was swelling in the brain.

By the next day they had started me on epilim, an anti-convulsant, and I had seen a neurologist too. The Ophthalmologist cleared my optic nerve of damage which was a relief, and the MRI showed no bleeds but a lot of swelling. They all seemed a bit unsure what was happening – maybe swelling, maybe a migraine. Nevertheless, I was sick. At that point I was convinced I could come home once the drugs kicked in, but that didn't happen. The neurologist said it could take a week or a month and I was in shock. However over the weekend I deteriorated a bit more. I would wake up around 4am and start vomiting. I couldn't walk. I couldn't move my head.

Slowly things improved and by Monday I was starting to see some difference. It wasn't until the Wednesday that I could actually move without being nauseas. It was at that point I realised how sick I was, and sadly, that I had a long way to go.

From there it was just gradual improvements. Mornings are terrible – I get so exhausted just having a shower. But by evening the drugs have kicked in and I feel better I haven't been able to read or do too much until now so even if I had the internet I couldn't do too much. They doctors (I have seen 7 now) are still unsure what is happening. But the consensus is that there is swelling, probably from the radiation, or the tumour, or something. And that it would take time (weeks to months).

Right now I am torn when I come home. I am still so tired. I would need to rest and rest. I'm taking it one day at a time.