Wriggling feet

So today we went to see Warren for the last time. I was feeling quite anxious to have another scan, just that seed of doubt that something had happened is always there. But we had the scan and everything looks good. We saw the head, the cord, and the little feet were wriggling away. He then put the doppler on and we heard the heartbeat. I shed a little tear during all of this, I just felt so relieved and happy.

Warren did say that he could see some blood sitting outside of the placenta which was a bit of a worry to me, but he said was fine. I did have that spotting for the first few weeks and it could be from that. He did say to take it easy and "no nookie". Poor James, not that it has been happening anyway. I honestly have been too paranoid too even contemplate it.

So we now have our first appointment with our OB in 4 weeks. Warren did say we could go back and see him if we wanted to be before then. It will be nice not having to go and see anyone for a while, although it will be strange. I've had a scan every 2 weeks or more for the last 3 months so to go 4 weeks without any medical intervention is a bit scary. I am still to stay on all of the drugs until the 12 week mark then taper off, and of course I'm still on the prednisone. The MS is easing a bit, but still present every day. Warren also said that I'm not likely to have OHSS anymore, and that the bloating is likely to be wind.

We got a picture from the scan today so here it is:

The round blob is the head, the little bit up the top is the cord with the feet to the right of that.
And here is one with the heartbeat

Showing already

I am a little bit embarrassed to admit this but I am well and truly showing already. I felt like I have been since pretty much early on, but with the OHSS it was a bit difficult to know what was what. But now I really feel like I've got a bump sticking out. Part of me just feels really fat, but the bump is quite firm and I can't suck it in. Plus the scales say that I have lost 5 kg since I started my cycle which is nearly what I was down to before we started all of this again.

I had to go and buy a new pair of jeans the other week as my old ones just didn't fit. I got a larger size and they are too big around my legs and everywhere else except around my middle. I have had complete strangers ask when I'm due which is a bit embarrassing to say nearly 7 months away!

I guess it still could be some of the OHSS hanging around. By the end of the day it is definitely alot bigger and firmer, and who knows what all of those hormones are doing to me. On the one hand I feel a little embarrassed - I wasn't really showing with Charlotte until about 16 weeks and still in normal pants until about week 20. But I love having a bump. It makes me feel pregnant and I love that, not just sick.

Today is actually a good day for the MS. I had a humongous vomit this morning but then have only felt a bit queasy for the rest of the day. The last few days have been terrible. Sunday I was vomiting all morning then so wiped out, and Monday was similar. Of course I then worry that today is better because something has happened but anyway, these are the silly things my mind does.

8 weeks

So today I am 8 weeks pregnant! I thought I would keep track of how I am feeling since I didn't do this with Charlotte and I now can't remember a thing! I wish I could say that I'm feeling better, but I'm not.

The morning sickness is still quite debilitating. Yesterday was terrible. I couldn't stop vomiting in the morning, and then was so wiped all day. I didn't even feel better in the evening like I normally do. Today I only vomited the once, but retched half a dozen times or more. It is simply exhausting. I feel ok now which is good, but I have been such a dragon all day and poor James is really copping it. I'm still on 50mg of prednisone and I don't think I will drop it down just yet. At least I know that I'm not getting dehydrated as I'm still able to eat and drink by the end of the day but the exhaustion and lethargy is just taking it's toll.

In terms of other symptoms my boobs are quite sore and my hips are just aching. Bending down is really hard and walking any distance is nearly impossible. If I roll over in bed and don't keep my legs together then my hips make a lovely "pop" sound. I remember this with Charlotte and then it got better (before getting worse again) so I hope it improves. I'm also quite emotional and seem to cry at the drop of a hat, particularly at anything baby related.

My baby brain has kicked in too. I'm finding it difficult to read and process things, especially early in the day when I'm feeling sick and tired. Night time is tricky as I need to pee every 2 hours! Sometimes I get a bit of insomnia too although I think that is more from the prednisone. At least Charlotte has been having nice afternoon naps so I've been able to catch up on a bit of sleep.

Other than that we are plodding along. It does feel like time is going a bit faster than before which is great and of course running after Charlotte is keeping me busy. When I'm not feeling miserable, I do feel pretty happy! I would love to go back to the gym and I think need to force myself this week. They do aqua aerobics classes which I think would be great as I can't face pilates just yet. The next big event is another scan next week when we see Warren for the last time!

A heartbeat

We went in to see Warren today for another scan and we saw one little fluttering heartbeat. It is sitting quite high so Warren had some difficulty seeing it properly (and boy was he trying, man I am still sore) but he saw it clearly enough to say that it all looks ok at this stage. And there is only one that we can see - so no twins. I am so relieved that it is all looking ok, but there is just that little bit of me that is slightly disappointed it's not twins. One is good though and means we can have a normal (hopefully) pregnancy. Plus we saw twins at the airport on the way home from our trip and it did freak me a bit.

So the last few weeks have been a bit rough emotionally and physically. I'm still vomiting 2-3 times a day but by about dinner time I am feeling good and actually have an appetite. I've found that soft drinks do actually help ease it a little bit but unfortunately now Charlotte always wants "bubbles". Warren today said I can stay on the higher dose of prednisone if I feel like it. His words were that there is no point in being miserable, which is good to know. I know that sounds silly but I feel like there is real pressure to just suck it up. That being sick is a part of being pregnant, but really I find it so debilitating and depressing.

I've also felt really anxious these last few weeks that I would have a miscarriage or something. I know that that is still a possiblity but I am trying to let go of that fear. The fact that I am pregnant now is really a miracle and no matter what happens I need to embrace this moment and enjoy it. I've decided that I am going to treat myself and buy some nice maternity clothes when the time comes. With Charlotte I was so worried about money that I only bought the barest minimum and I felt like such a frump all the time. I think there is only one picture of me pregnant with her as I just didn't want to have any pictures taken but I want this time to be different! I think part of this too is that you fight so hard to be pregnant that when it happens it doesn't feel real at all and there is still that little bit of grief that it isn't a normal pregnancy. Most pregnant women don't take 37 tablets a day just to get to this point.

But now I can start thinking of happier things. Warren gave us a referral today to my OB and also for the nuchal fold scan. He did say that if we weren't going to terminate based on the results then there was no point in doing it, which I kinda agree with, but then there is the plus of seeing the baby again. It is hard as it isn't a cheap scan (I think last time it was $300 and medicare only gives you back about $60 or less). I do feel that it offers some reassurance though so...

We will go back to see Warren in two weeks for one last scan and then that's it - this current fertility roller coaster is over (well, nearly).

Hyperemesis Gravidarum

Hyperemesis Gravidarum is a condition in pregnancy where you vomit, lots. It appears that I have it- probably best not to read on if you are a bit squeamish.

So after struggling along for the last few weeks, I had decided on Sunday night to call my FS by Monday. I was struggling to do basic things like go for a walk as I was so tired and feeling sick. Monday morning started as usual and then the vomiting hit. I couldn't keep anything down so called Warren and was able to get in to see him early. I still thought that I had OHSS but he checked me out and thought that I didn't. He did do an ultrasound but couldn't see anything (boo) although I have a 12mm follicle on my ovary which he said would be causing the pain I'm having. He diagnosed hyperemesis gravidarum and as I was dehydrated sent me up to the day theatres for 4 litres of fluid plus some protein. He also prescribed 60mg of prednisone to take for the next 2 weeks then taper off if the nausea is manageable. So I went up to the theatres and stayed there for about 5 hours. The nurses were so wonderful, I felt like a bit of a fraud - I just had some vomiting!

But when I got home I did some Dr Googling and I just about cried. I always though HG was only for constant and severe vomiting but it can also just be constant and debilitating nausea - really anything that starts at 5 weeks of pregnancy as well is HG. I had all of this with Charlotte! I had 9 months of living hell with that pregnancy. My life consisted of getting up, vomiting, going to work, vomiting in the car on the way, maybe eating lunch, maybe not, vomiting in the afternoon (not all the time, if I didn't then I sat there thinking about vomiting), going home, forcing myself to eat something, then sleeping. It was a nightmare, and nothing helped it. Everyone told me to eat crackers, ginger, all sorts of things and it just didn't help. I lost about 3 kg in the first few months and only put on 10kg the whole pregnancy - and I think it would have been less except I tended to retch alot more than I actually vomited. I think because of this I thought I didn't have it that bad but what I've read about HG retching is considered just as bad. It certainly felt it for me as I still had to run to the toilet, my body still felt exhausted from the spasms. And I couldn't tell when a retch would be a true vomit. So I don't think I got really dehydrated but other than that, it was hell.

What I've read also mentioned that socially and psychologically HG can be quite debilitating, and I have to agree with that. I think I began to resent being pregnant and definitely couldn't enjoy it. It kept up until about 20 weeks, then slowly improved, but I still had nausea and retching every day and about once a week I would have a big vomit. I think from about 33-36 weeks I felt good, then it got bad again.

So I am so relieved that Warren has diagnosed me with HG now. Today I felt alot better, still nauseous all day and I retched twice this morning, and haven't really eaten much, but so much better than the last few weeks. I rang up this morning to get the repeat beta results and it was 1800 which is fantastic, so I think I am starting to think that this is real, and it will all be good!