I read a news article today about the Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou where she announced her pregnancy by IVF. I am happy for her just as I am for anyone who announces a pregnancy. However I'm also pleased to see her openly discussing her IVF journey. Too often, people choose to keep silent on their fertility struggles.
This article prompted an online discussion about personal privacy, where I saw one person comment that something like IVF should be kept private. While I respect that each person has the right to decide what information they share about their life, it saddens me that some people feel that they must keep their fertility struggles to themselves.
We received some advice at the beginning of our treatment that not telling people around us might be easier. The nurses/counsellors at the IVF clinic talked about how others may not understand, that we might get misguided advice, and most of all that dealing with a negative result can be difficult if eveyone knows what is happening.
After a few months of keeping it quiet, I literally felt like I was about to burst out of my skin. I started to tell some friends, to talk about it more with my family, and to bring it up at work. Instantly I felt like a weight had been lifted. The emotional support we started to get was great. And as soon as I started to share, other people also started to talk about their journeys which they too had kept quiet.
Having to tell people that we had yet another BFN was painful. But then I
realised that I wanted my friends and family to be there for me, to
support me, no matter what the outcome was. Of course we got a lot of advice: just relax and it will happen, try these herbs, these positions, stop IVF and just have sex, just adopt. Every time I heard something like this it reinforced for me why it is so important to continue to talk about infertility.
More and more I've realised that society in general doesn't understand IVF. People don't understand what is involved in the causes of infertility, and they definitely don't understand the process of IVF. Most significantly, society generally doesn't understand the utter pain and heartbreak that is part of infertility. So I believe in sharing our stories; the good, the bad, the pain and the elation. Even if it helps one person to feel that they are not alone, or to help someone know what a family member is going through, then it is worth it.
What do you think? Do you think we should be sharing our stories?
Even doctors don't necessarily understand infertility. I remember clearly a doc (burns paed) at church saying something to another woman about "just relax, it'll happen". Obviously, not his specialty, and just making a general, well-intentioned comment. But that woman's issue wasn't "relaxing" or even conceiving. From what little I know, it was *staying* pregnant, not conceiving.
ReplyDeleteIt's so difficult. I won't ask any woman I know about trying to get or getting pregnant. I know the anticipation and rudeness of others expecting you to have a baby as a newlywed. It doesn't mean I'm not interested or don't care, I just think it's really presumptuous (for me, not making judgement of others) to bring up questions about getting preg/having babies.
So, that's my rambling mea culpa for not being there more for you.