It never ends

I haven't posted for a few weeks. Largely because every time I think about it, I'm either too tired or feeling too down about everything. I don't want every post to be negative but I just feel like it never ends at the moment.

I'm now 16w 5d. It hit me yesterday that we are nearly halfway there. It seems that bubs is doing well. I saw Sile last week and she did a quick scan. Bubs did a quick wave, and was looking good.

Me on the other hand, is a different story. After getting James cold, I got a little bit better, then got worse again. I was at the point of constantly coughing so that my ribs hurt, my throat felt like I was swallowing razorblades, and I was so tired. I went back to the GP who gave me a different (stronger) dose of antibiotics which did seem to help things.

When I saw Sile last week she gave me another script for them as I am still not better. So that is 4 rounds of antibiotics. She was also quite concerned about my bp and heart rate. My bp was a little bit up, but also fluctuating. I told her that over the last few weeks it has been all over the shop. My heart rate was at 120 bpm which is what is has been the last few weeks and she was very concerned at that. This is despite being on the digoxin for the last month which should bring it down. So she has referred me to a Physician to get everything checked out. I had to laugh though that she ran out of room while writing the referral as my medical history is so long! So I see him next week. Sile didn't want me to wait to see him, which is how I know she is really worried about it all.

I feel a bit stressed about all of this. I've lived with bp issues for a while, but I guess it is in pregnancy where it really does become an issue, not just for me but for bubs too. I don't think it helps that James has been away all week and I have been struggling to deal with Charlotte. She is pushing boundaries and trying to assert her independence. But when I'm exhausted, and can hardly pick her up, she is really pushing me to the end of my sanity.

Today in particular has been a shocker. I've been on the edge of tears all day. I dropped my prednisone down to 15mg and of course have been feeling really sick all day. My sinuses are still killing me, I'm still coughing and have a sore throat, and am just so so tired. James comes home tomorrow and I can't wait.

But in all of this we did pass a big milestone. A few weeks back now I took the last progesterone pessary. That was the last of the pure IVF drugs. (I'm still taking drugs that I started at the beginning of the cycle, but now I'm still on them because of the pregnancy). I should have felt happier about it, but was feeling too sick to care. This is something else I want to talk about with the physician. Something just doesn't feel right within me at the moment. I know I'm pregnant, and so shouldn't feel normal, but I also don't think I should be this tired and sick in general. Anyway we will see what he says next week.