Not what I wanted to hear

Right well, where to start. We saw the neurosurgeon yesterday.

His viewpoint was that the tumour is slow growing, it isn't life threatening, and that I should have a repeat MRI in 6 months and take it from there. He said that the dizziness is caused by compression of the vestibular neurons (not the actual nerve), and it likely played a part in the pregnancy, but he wasn't so sure about the nausea and fatigue. I acknowledged all that, then promptly burst into tears. I told him that I am not coping with this dizziness at all. So then he explained more the risks of surgery.

There are two approaches. The retro-sigmoid approach goes through the back of the skull but is risky as you have to avoid major arteries, the cerebellum and a few other things. He didn't seem keen to do that. Plus I have read on Dr Google there is a large risk that you will develop ongoing headaches.

The second goes through the auditory canal which is safer on surrounding structures but I would be guaranteed to lose hearing and the balance nerve would be affected (which he said you may recover balance after a period of time). He didn't seem all that encouraging about either option, and I *think* he was implying that it may or may not help my symptoms.

So from his viewpoint, I wait and see and just live with the symptoms, or I risk surgery and all of it's risks. The thought of going deaf is sickening. The thought of living with constant dizziness is sickening. I just don't know what to do.

He has referred me on to a radiosurgeon to talk about gamma knife radiation which I don't know much about. So that appointment is next year. He thought that may be a good solution.

I am not sure what I made of his bedside manner. I don't think he was prepared to deal with a bawling wreck and asked if I thought I was depressed. I think I might be. His solution was pills, stop breastfeeding (not happy about that), and a daily walk to the pub to get a gin and tonic (his definition of exercise).

Last night I had to take half a valium just to calm down. I am so frustrated that no-one seems to take the balance issues seriously. When I think back I have been feeling sick for nearly 2 years. I hear people complain about morning sickness that lasts a few weeks, well imagine it for years and years with no relief in sight!

I know that I can get a second opinion, however I also know that on some level he is right. I need to wait and see if the tumour grows. I was prepared to wait until April so a little bit longer isn't that big a deal. I need to weigh up the risks so I'm trying to do some proper research into it and might take a trip up to the uni and use their databases.

In the meantime I need to get busy with Christmas, and keep taking one day at a time.