It never ends

I haven't posted for a few weeks. Largely because every time I think about it, I'm either too tired or feeling too down about everything. I don't want every post to be negative but I just feel like it never ends at the moment.

I'm now 16w 5d. It hit me yesterday that we are nearly halfway there. It seems that bubs is doing well. I saw Sile last week and she did a quick scan. Bubs did a quick wave, and was looking good.

Me on the other hand, is a different story. After getting James cold, I got a little bit better, then got worse again. I was at the point of constantly coughing so that my ribs hurt, my throat felt like I was swallowing razorblades, and I was so tired. I went back to the GP who gave me a different (stronger) dose of antibiotics which did seem to help things.

When I saw Sile last week she gave me another script for them as I am still not better. So that is 4 rounds of antibiotics. She was also quite concerned about my bp and heart rate. My bp was a little bit up, but also fluctuating. I told her that over the last few weeks it has been all over the shop. My heart rate was at 120 bpm which is what is has been the last few weeks and she was very concerned at that. This is despite being on the digoxin for the last month which should bring it down. So she has referred me to a Physician to get everything checked out. I had to laugh though that she ran out of room while writing the referral as my medical history is so long! So I see him next week. Sile didn't want me to wait to see him, which is how I know she is really worried about it all.

I feel a bit stressed about all of this. I've lived with bp issues for a while, but I guess it is in pregnancy where it really does become an issue, not just for me but for bubs too. I don't think it helps that James has been away all week and I have been struggling to deal with Charlotte. She is pushing boundaries and trying to assert her independence. But when I'm exhausted, and can hardly pick her up, she is really pushing me to the end of my sanity.

Today in particular has been a shocker. I've been on the edge of tears all day. I dropped my prednisone down to 15mg and of course have been feeling really sick all day. My sinuses are still killing me, I'm still coughing and have a sore throat, and am just so so tired. James comes home tomorrow and I can't wait.

But in all of this we did pass a big milestone. A few weeks back now I took the last progesterone pessary. That was the last of the pure IVF drugs. (I'm still taking drugs that I started at the beginning of the cycle, but now I'm still on them because of the pregnancy). I should have felt happier about it, but was feeling too sick to care. This is something else I want to talk about with the physician. Something just doesn't feel right within me at the moment. I know I'm pregnant, and so shouldn't feel normal, but I also don't think I should be this tired and sick in general. Anyway we will see what he says next week.

In between the tantrums...

In between the tantrums, Charlotte is being so adorable right now. I love this stage of her development, she is finding out new things, exploring and experiencing. And yes she is trying to set and push boundaries which I am also finding very challenging. But here are some of the adorable things she is now doing, just so I remember for the next time she is chucking a tantrum!

• She loves to help me with the housework. She has a toy vacuum cleaner that she like to vacuum with, and when I am doing the vacuuming she follows me around with hers. She also loves to clean the windows and is actually quite good at it. She can even use the spray bottle (with supervision of course) and then wipes away. Of course 10 minutes later she has slobbered on them again but still. She also loves to help put things in the clothes dryer. Doesn't matter if they are dirty or clean - in they all go! I wonder how long this helping phase will last for?
• Charlotte has started to play with her toy doll alot. She will put it on the floor for a nappy change, grab the cream, about half a dozen wipes and go for it. It really is very cute to watch, if not a little messy. I have had to rescue alot of perfectly good wipes from the rubbish bin.
  
• She likes to make noises when she is doing things, but she has copied them from us. I think I exaggerate when I am showing her something. For example, when I lie down I do that big sigh "aaah, time for sleep". She now does it all the time. So cute.
  
• If I'm tickling her or blowing raspberries she will stop and go "more, more".
  
• Last week she decided that she wanted to eat all her meals at the big table so she got her little portable chair and put it on a dining room chair. It is still a little bit low for her, but she sits there quite happily.
  
• Charlotte is still being so kind when I am sick and rubbing my back, and if we say we have a sore spot she rubs it and goes "ow, ow".
  

I'm sure there is so much more that she is doing. One thing she does do when we have asked her to do something she doesn't want to is go "noo" and put her hands over her eyes, as though that will stop it happening! Ha, good luck child!

Here are some recent photos:
Enjoying licking the beaters from one of mummies cakes. She knows exactly what that means when I get them out, and loves to lick it!
I love this shot, so cheeky!


Making sure dolly gets cleaned up for her nappy change!

Scan photos

Here are some pictures from our scan!


This one is looking down from above. You can see the
arms and hands.
One of the 3D ones. You can see the cord across the tummy, the arms are up near the nose. It's a cute nose too!
Turned onto it's side, one leg tucked up. I think it looks like a little teddy bear. The sonographer said that bubs was really snug against the uterus wall and was fast asleep so it was a bit hard getting decent pics. But they all look like aliens at this stage anyway!

A long week

I can't believe it has been just over a week since we saw our OB. It feels like a month has passed, so much has happened. I had to reread my last post about feeling good so I remember that I did feel good, as right now I feel like I'm living in a pool of quicksand. But it's not morning sickness this time! Last Saturday we were off to the doctors for James. After a few weeks of working late late nights he had overdone it and came down with a cold and sinus infection. He spent a few days being miserable and promptly gave it to Charlotte and me.

We have had a week of sleepless nights with Charlotte coughing and crying half the night. By Wednesday she was alot better and I was hoping that once she was in daycare I could rest and get better too. Since I had been running on less than 6 hours of broken sleep for over 2 weeks I needed some sleep! But I wasn't getting better at all and saw my GP on Friday who gave me some antibiotics for a bronchitis like infection. More pills. I'm starting to feel a little bit better now - I couldn't believe how exhausted I have been. Just walking is an effort, and I've been having alot of high bp's and tachycardia's which is a little distressing. But on the plus the ms has kept at bay and I am now down to 35mg. I notice that on the days I drop down a dose I will have a vomit but otherwise I'm coping.

But the week wasn't all about being sick. Earlier in the week we saw our bank and refinanced the mortgage. It was actually so much easier than we thought and happened so quickly. We then had the money to buy a new (used) car! So we took one for a test drive and then talked numbers with the dealer. We were happy with that, so they said "do you want to take it home now?". We were floored. We left behind our old car, a $100 deposit, and took home a shiny 3yr old station wagon! I was surprised at how emotionally exhausting that afternoon was. And earlier that day our hot water system finally blew up so we had to make a few quick calls to get a new one in. Thank goodness I had done all that research months ago about them so it wasn't too hard. We only had one day without hot water.

And then the next day we had the nuchal fold scan. I wasn't as anxious about this one as I was with Charlotte although it helped that we had seen bubs just 4 days before. It all went well. The risk factors for downs was approximately 1/3000 and the others were heaps better for the other conditions. Bubs was measuring smack on dates and growing well although was sleepy during the scan and not so active. The sonographer couldn't see any new bleeds which is a huge relief too.

So it has been a huge week for us. Both James and I feel quite overwhelmed at the moment. I think he needs a bit of a break from work and I know I need some time off from feeling crap. Sadly I have had to let things like housework just go so the place is a real pigsty and neither of us feel up to doing anything about it. But I know it's not important. Right now I can feel bubba doing little kicks and flutters - I think it likes shortbread biscuits! tee hee