All aboard the rollercoaster

Today was the day we went to see our fertility specialist. I was anxious about this, and excited. My FS (Warren) is a lovely, quite ocker bloke with a dirty sense of humour. He definitely makes you feel calm and relaxed about everything and that you can ask any question, no matter how silly. He felt that we could start this month without any issues. Eeeps, here we go! First off though he did an internal exam with ultrasound (after which he pronounced that "I have a perfect vagina and that I could show it off all over town"). He had a look at my ovaries and it seems that I am just about to ovulate so we will definitely be giving it a try this month naturally! He also said that I have a "pearl halo" which is typical of polycystic ovary syndrome. I am a bit shocked at this, as it hadn't been picked up in any of my other tests/scans/operations, although he did mention he thought I had PCOS at my last visit to him nearly 2 years ago now. I am a little disappointed that this hadn't been picked up earlier, although it seems I have a mild case of it as my periods are still really regular. But I have other symptoms of it that can now be traced to that. I guess it doesn't really change any of the treatment that I get though but it does increase my risk for OHSS.

I am at day 10 now, and the cycle will start on day 20 with the nasal spray (synarel). But Warren has started me on heaps of drugs from today. So my regime is: 2 x prednisone (steroid), 4 x metformin (to decrease insulin resitance because of the PCOS), 1 x cardiprin (aspirin), folic acid 5 mg, vitamin b, fish oil tablet, zinc. Phew. That's 12 tablets a day, and thats before I even start on the hormones! He has put James on zinc, aloe vera juice, gogi berries, and pumpkin seeds. It is alot, but if it all helps. This is the difference between this FS and my first one, Warren is so much more proactive. He thinks that if there is some research supporting these things, then go for it, it sure doesn't hurt.

Today alone cost us $300 so I am really bracing for more pain to come financially. It seems that we will be out of pocket about $3000, probably more including the anaesthetist etc. Warren did offer to do the EPU without any anaesthetic as it would be cheaper. I just don't think I can do that, I find the recovery excruciating enough, but James thinks I should think about it. Thats fine for him, he is moaning about how stressful it is to provide his sample. Forgive me for not feeling sympathetic.

Knowing that today I was likely to start all these drugs, I gave Charlotte her last breastfeed yesterday. I felt a little sad tonight trying to settle her without it. I gave her a small bottle of milk, which she chugged down. She was a little hard to settle but is asleep now. So that's that, my breastfeeding days are done. For the moment anway. And I got all of my other test results yesterday and they are completley normal, which is a relief. I do have two small lumps in my breast which seem to be cysts and don't need further tests at this time.

So now I am feeling a little overwhelmed, and a bit tired. I am really trying not to think about what is to come, and just trying to roll with it. I know that it will all be worth it, looking at Charlotte today made my heart break, she is so beautiful. Today she kept coming up to me and giving me big open mouthed kisses (which with a snotty nose were very slobbery too!). I love her so much, to not have another baby would just be cruel. But let's hope for the best and hop on that rollercoaster!

Ups and downs

So the last few weeks have been a bit like a roller coaster. We had a few good nights of sleeping, then back to several night wakings. We are now back to waking twice a night, but at 11pm and 4-5 am, which is alot more civilised. It means that I have been getting at least 4 hours solid sleep a night. Having this extra sleep really does make the world of difference to me.
On top of some sleep/less nights, Charlotte has been quite a grizzly baby. She seems to be teething again. It doesn't seem to stop, but we can see the top teeth just about to break through. When she is teething she just wants cuddles, and does not want me to leave her side. Which is fine, but then if you pick her up and cuddle her she wants to hit, claw, scratch at you. I find this more frustrating than any other thing she does. She scratched my lip a few weeks back, and it still hasn't healed properly. She doesn't do it deliberately, just flails her arms around and collects whatever is there.
But on the positives, Charlotte is SO gorgeous right now. I look at her and want to cry because she is so precious. And the learning just keeps on happening. She started to clap her hands, and bang objects together. She has been putting objects in her mouth to crawl but has learned to throw them in front of her and crawl to them. And I know I keep saying it, but I do think she isn't far off walking. I'm since coming to realise that she possibly won't walk for a while, but it is nice to think about what may come. We took her to the park last week and she had her first go on the slippery slide. I'm not sure who was more excited, her or me, but it was fun.
Today is a swimming today and I just love being in the water with her. So better get ready for that!