Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Meet blobby. Can you see him there? He is that white spot in the middle of my brain. He really shouldn't be there. He is a meningioma. A tumour.
That's right. I have a brain tumour.
I think I may have mentioned I was having tests done. The dizziness that I felt during the pregnancy with Angus really never went away. I finally had enough of it and got a referral to an ENT who sent me for some an MRI and some other tests. He said that he didn't expect to see anything but it would give me some peace of mind (he actually though the dizziness, nausea, pins and needles etc was caused by chronic hyperventilation from stress).
I had the MRI done last week, and that is not a pleasant experience. For anyone who hasn't had one they are noisy. Like jackhammer in your hear noisy. Halfway through they decided to do a contrast so I knew something was up. Once I got home I was exhausted but had a look at the scans and immediately could see blobby, but obviously didn't know exactly what it was. James scanned the images to show a friend whose wife was a neurologist and she thought it was a meningioma. Cue 4 days of acute stress before I saw my specialist. I felt physically sick to my stomach of what it could be and mean. And Dr Google got a workout. Then yesterday my ENT confirmed that it indeed is a meningioma. These tumours are typically benign and slow growing although he remarked that mine was atypical.
Unfortunately he doesn't see that many and wasn't willing to treat me so has referred me on to someone who does see them all the time. So right now I am in limbo not knowing what to do. Treatment options may be surgery, radiation, or watch and wait. I'm not keen on the last option, but I'm not keen for surgery either since it is in a part of the brain not easily accessible.
Right now I'm shattered emotionally. Charlotte and I both have tonsillitis so I've been trying to take care of her while I've also been sick. I don't know what to feel. I want to scream and cry and get emotional. But then I check myself as it is only a benign tumour. And then I go back to saying, hang on, it's a tumour, it shouldn't be there and I WANT IT GONE!
Of course I also hear Arnold Scwharzenegger in my head saying "It's not a tumour" and that makes me giggle just a little.
So blobby and I will keep waiting to see the specialist.