Zapping time

Tomorrow is zapping day. The last few days have been pretty rough. I am extremely anxious. I am having some irrational fears about the radiation: that I will feel it burning, that I will have a reaction immediately, that I will vomit in the mask, that I will accidentally move and they will fry my brain. Aaagh. I have actually had a cough for the last few days so that may be a valid thing to worry about. However I do think it is stress related since I've tried every cough medicine I can think of and nothing makes it go away. I guess if I cough too much when I'm there they will just send me home.

I have to be there 30 minutes early so that I can have a pre-med. I think that is an anti-nausea drug but I'm also hoping for a sedative. The session should only last an hour. That is it. Then I go home. It is very bizarre. Then I have to learn to live with blobby as he is, and just get on with it. I had a not so pleasant phone call from the clinic yesterday where they said that on the day, the specialist may decided to so fractionated therapy (30 doses) but they called tonight and confirmed that it is just one. Which is such a relief as I couldn't handle 6 weeks of treatment. Just the logistics alone of what to do with the kids was overwhelming. The other part to the phone call was to talk about the billing. They hadn't really explained it all to me properly and I had been a bit naive with it all. But essentially they want payment in full, then I take the receipt to medicare to get reimbursed. That means I have to find $15,500. Ouch. There really isn't a better way to do it as the medicare schedule is only $1800. That is simply ridiculous for something so big. I had a mini freakout about it but have since calmed down. We have a credit card we use for emergencies which we can use. I guess this qualifies as an emergency.

Truthfully I am a bit over it all. I am so tired and drained. Blobby is consuming alot of me at the moment and I just want to get on with living. But I had a lovely thing happen last week. The baby forum that I have been apart of before Charlotte was born arranged a voucher for a local day spa for me. I was so touched that I promptly burst into tears. I have never been to a day spa before, I've never even had a facial (and the face mask for radiation doesn't count!). To know that these wonderful women (most of whom I've never met) cared so much that they arranged this is uplifting. And it gives me something to look forward to when all this is over.