A good week

It has been a busy, and a good week. I can actually say that I have improved significantly this week, Over the last few weeks I haven't actually felt any major change, so to be able to really say "I feel better" is wonderful.

Tuesday morning I had a big change. I've had a strange fuzzy feeling in my forehead for a while now. I actually wondered if it was nerve damage as it was only in a small patch, but it was weird and annoying. Tuesday morning it just...went away. It made me feel so much lighter. Tuesday was also a big day as I met with Kylie, a support worker from the charity Mummy's Wish. As some of you have realised, accepting help is not part of my nature. I have mentioned this charity before - they help Mum's who have cancer. Initially I didn't see how I was part of that group. However, while I was in hospital, James and I contacted them as we realised that we did need help. They have been wonderful, and have organised a cleaner to come fortnightly for a few months. It just takes that pressure off me having to do everything. She stayed for an hour, brought a few treats for myself and the kids, and we talked about what was happening. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted to just talk through it all. She validated how I was feeling, and that I wasn't alone.

Thursday was the one bad day this week. I felt very nauseous in the morning and needed a nap both morning and afternoon. I manged to do the vacuuming but it took a couple of hours (by the time you pick up the toys, and put things away, it is just exhausting). Thankfully it was a daycare day so I also had some peace and quiet.

Friday I was feeling good again. We walked the kids to daycare and I was saying to James on the way home how good I was feeling, and then of course how guilty I was feeling about the kids being in daycare and about the house cleaning. Mind you, as I'm saying this, I'm huffing and puffing and plodding up the street, as I'm still pretty slow. He just looked at me; and reminded me that all these things are helping me get better. So yes, I need to just accept the help.

But I did sit and think about how I'm feeling. And I'm over it. I'm over being sick. From now on I don't want to be sick, so I'm not. I know, I'm not "better". I need to find a word to describe where I'm at. "Recovering" still implies being sick. I guess I'm "rehabilitating". "Impaired" maybe? "Damaged goods"? I know I'm still symptomatic. The hand shaking is bothering me. My cognitive impairments are annoying (particularly when I'm trying to talk to people. I'm sure no-one notices, but it is hard work to hold a conversation). My balance is a bit off (I fell over in the kitchen again this week). I've been getting chronic headaches. And the fatigue is still there. It creeps up on me and bam! I'm shattered. 

But all that aside, I've had a good week. Today I went back to the gym. I did 40 mins of cardio work, which may have been a tiny bit too much even though it was low intensity. But I did it. I even drove there. This was the first time I drove in nearly two months, and I survived that too! Two months ago I was having vertigo attacks, vomiting, and going rapidly downhill. I have come a long way in that time. I am quite proud of myself that I made it to the gym when just 7 weeks ago I couldn't even walk, or see properly.

This week we are going to see the neurologist again for a follow up so I will be bringing up all my symptoms with him. I may need to go back on some medication. I'm also hoping he will order another MRI as I want to know what's happening inside my head. In the meantime, I am trying to go back to living life as normal as possible, and not being sick.