Just when it all seemed too hard..

This week has been tough. I haven't been as sick as that first week but it has still been hard. It is just over 3 weeks now since the treatment, and for the first time in years I can say that time is going so slow.

I started the week with terrible headaches. Of course, any sort of twinge I'm now paranoid about brain swelling. After a few days of chronic headaches I was feeling very stressed. With the headaches also came some nausea, and dizziness. And an intense fear that I would have a seizure. I don't know why I am suddenly paranoid about this; it's not like I've ever had one. Nevertheless, I asked James what he would do if I had one and his response - "Turn you on your side and put a peg on your tongue". Uh huh. Perhaps it's time we did a first aid course.

Wednesday I developed some blisters on the roof of my mouth and a burning sensation. I don't know if there were because of the radiation or not, but it did feel like a burn. It went away fairly quickly (I may have popped them) which was reassuring. And the next day brought more nausea.

Today was a bad day emotionally. We got some bad news from medicare in that our rebate has stalled - we should still get some money back but it was a bit demoralising. I don't often feel this way, but today I realised I have a brain tumour. And that isn't fair. And it sucks. And I'm sick.

Just when I felt like slipping into the doldrums, a couple of really lovely things happened. Mamamia (a site I frequently read and comment on) ran a competition to provide a use for Angelina Jolie's right leg. I put a comment, and received the most likes, and won! It was only something small, but I am so grateful to everyone who voted (even if some of them were a sympathy vote although go the Mummy power) but it has made me supremely happy.

And then this afternoon we got a lovely surprise. You may remember we had some portraits done with Katrina Christ Photography  last year which are devine. We picked the prints up around the time of my diagnosis and I had spoken to her about it. Today she spontaneously visited with a cd of ALL of the photos we had done during the shoot. It was such a lovely gesture, and I am touched beyond words.

After such a lovely end to a tough week, I need to pull myself out of these doldrums, and keep taking it one day at a time. Because tomorrow is a new day. I will still have a tumour, but I will be one day closer to beating him and living my life to it's fullest.