A bit blah

I was going to write a really whingy post last week, because I was feeling very whingy. But then a few good things have happened so I'm trying to be optimistic again. Irrespective, I just want to have a whinge so here I go (it is after all my blog).

The planning session is tomorrow. I'm feeling nervous. It will be a long day (I have to be there at 10am and won't finish until after 1pm) although at least it will be a child free day. I am pretty annoyed about the cost of everything. The MRI tomorrow will cost $700. I don't know how much the CT scan will cost. Yes we will hit the safety net quickly, but I am still pissed off. It just isn't fair that we are continually forking out money for medical bills. A friend put the seed of doubt in my mind that we could do this publicly, but I've looked around and the Wesley is on the only place in Qld doing SRS. I had a moment last week when we looked at the finances and I got quite panicky, realising that we would run out of savings very soon. And then we had a slight windfall in that James completed his tax and we got a larger than expected return; which will almost cover the treatment. Yay! I was so relieved I cried. And then I got pissed again that that money is immediately gone. Our roof still leaks and we simply can't afford to fix it.

I'm frustrated at blobby. He is making life very hard at the moment, although I am coming to understand him more. He doesn't like alcohol. He doesn't like loud noises. He doesn't like the dark. He doesn't like me being tired although that one is a bit random. Last week (on Australia Day) I was really sick. Thankfully it was a public holiday so James could look after the kids; but I had to take a stemetil and go back to bed for half the day. The dizziness was awful. And then the next day was better. I don't understand that.

I realised that it has been over a year that I have been feeling sick. Australia day last year was when I really went "I'm not coping". James was away, but Mum was here and I very nearly asked her to take me to the hospital as I felt so ill. Something just felt wrong. Realistically I had been feeling bad for a long time (I found a blog post from the previous October where I actually wrote that I felt something was wrong other than the pregnancy). Only a week after Australia Day 2011 I was admitted for exhaustion and dizziness. Other than no longer being pregnant, not alot has changed. 

On a good note we went to the Tim Minchin concert on Saturday night. The last time we went out on our own was when we went to see Wicked last year. I was still in hospital but my obstetrician gave me a leave pass to go. I can't say it was pleasant because I was so sick at the time. But nevertheless we went. Nearly a year on and it was such a joy to go out again, although VERY tiring. I loved Tim Minchin. Blobby didn't (que the loud noises, and darkness). I had difficulties walking out of the concert and had to hold onto James for fear of falling down but other than that it was good. Except he has a song that goes "Your love grew on me like a tumour" which I found only slightly amusing. I guess then blobby is really symbolic of James love for me? Maybe?

Today was a good day. I only had 5 hours of sleep (broken; thanks to both of my boys) but still managed to go to the gym and do a session on the crosstrainer. I am really feeling better for doing this, and last month I lost 2kg which is great. This month I am going to be stricter with what we eat; especially since I will likely be on prednisone which causes weight gain. I hope tomorrow I can find out more about what I should be eating, how fatigued I'll be and so on. This is going to be a long hard month.