One step ahead, two steps back

Once again it has been a long time since I posted. I have struggled to find the motivation to post. I did write a really long one about how I thought Charlotte's behaviour had improved, she was nearly toilet trained, how good a mummy I was etc. And then some other dramas have happened and she went backwards. I was actually really surprised at this. Her behaviour changes have been small, but to me, quite significant.

Just to fill you in, the last few months have looked like this - James gets kidney stones and needs an ambulance escort to hospital, Charlotte gets very sick with a UTI, James goes away, James comes home and has knee surgery on that darn injury from the last time he went away, James wakes up with chest pain a few days later and gets another ride in an ambulance, I have a minor car accident that has made me anxious about driving. And then this week, a close family member (I'm just keeping who quiet at this stage) has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. This is shocking news and has me reeling. They are optimistic about their prognosis, however my experiences with MS are with very sick clients in the community although they appear to be the minority. On a selfish note, I am very anxious about my health. I have been seeing the GP about the ongoing dizziness I had during the pregnancy. It is also one of the symptoms of MS (I have since found out). I'm not quite sure what to do next. I actually have to go and get a hearing test then go back to see my GP who will refer me to an ENT. I also have to see a cardiologist as my blood pressure is still going haywire. When I go back to my GP I will request an MRI - just in case.

But back to Charlotte. I thought we had protected her from much of the ongoing stress. When she was sick with the UTI she was very clingy (she again had temps of 40 degrees, it was a little bit funny at the time because she became delirious and was really cute if it hadn't of been so scary). That set her toilet training back. And then James went away. The day he left, she came home from daycare and asked where Daddy was, I said away on a plane. She then said "Daddy's gone away and is never coming back". My jaw dropped and I wiped away a tear. Where did she pick that up from? And then that day, she started wetting herself again. We had several days where she just refused to go to the toilet until I went back to the basic reinforcements that we used at the beginning. I am staggered at how relatively minor events in her life have affected her so deeply.

So we are now finally back to a manageable level with her behaviour. It does help that I have decided not to try to get her to have a day sleep anymore. I was getting so frustrated about it but now I just won't push it. She often falls asleep on the couch so does get some rest time although I don't which is frustrating since Angus has decided that waking up at 4am is the best thing in the world! I hope I can protect her from my stress levels although this latest news is shocking. Angus of course has remained oblivious to what has been going on which is a blessing. I hope that our resilience levels can remain high because I feel they are being sorely tested now.

Toilet training for dummies, I mean mummies

One of the things I dreaded about parenthood was toilet training. Even before Charlotte came along I knew that I would hate this stage. I'm not sure why I have this attitude, but it all just seems really hard. And the last few weeks I feel justified in that.

I had decided though that Charlotte would be toilet trained by the age of two. Definitely done before the new baby came along. And then I got pregnant. I couldn't even get off the couch let alone worry about taking her to the toilet. And dealing with wees and poos would have been an impossibility. So we decided to delay toilet training. I felt really bad about this, but then Charlotte wasn't really showing any signs of readiness so we just went with it.

I was very happy to just ignore the issue until about 2 weeks ago when Charlotte decided that she didn't want to wear nappies, she wanted to wear undies. Eeeek. So I let her. I figured we could see how the day went. And it was fantastic! I put her on the toilet a number of times and she did a wee each time! No tantrums, it was great! I felt like a brilliant mummy! The next day was a daycare day and we let her go in undies, and she did really well all day, and the next. But then I got a bit erratic and would put her in a nappy to go out or for her nap and forget to take it off. She started to refuse to go to the toilet. We started to have more accidents. I could handle that. That was fine. It was the tantrum over every aspect - I don't want to go, I don't want to wash my hands, I don't want to put my pants back on, and worst of all - I don't want to change my pants after weeing them, instead I want to run around the house leaving little wee wee footprints everywhere. After a particularly trying day where she refused to go to the toilet all day I had had enough and we went back to nappies.

But of course then I felt guilty. We went to the baby expo last weekend and there was a stand there on potty training (http://www.pottytraining.com.au), and they had a kit. So I bought it even though I was dubious. First day they recommended just letting your child go and seeing what happens, so that you know how big their bladder is, what is the routine etc. This made sense so that rather than making her go every 30 mins, I now know she only needs to go every 2 hours. But it was still a frustrating day. But then I sat down and read the book that came with it, and talked about the matching chart and stickers. The next day she did wee wees in the potty. And then some more, one little accident, but then the rest of the day was dry!! And the same the next day, we even had a poo in the potty! The last 2 days at daycare she has stayed dry (with one poo accident) and they even said she asked to go. I can't believe it, we seem to have a toilet trained child. I still don't think we are done yet, but we are definitely on our way there.

I have to say though that it has been exhausting. Trying to convince her to go regularly, watching her constantly, being supportive. Phew. All I can say is that I am glad we didn't go and replace our crappy stained carpet with something new and plush because the wee comes out of our crappy stained carpet quite easily!