The dreaded D word

I have been consumed lately with the dreaded D word. No, not Dexamethasone, but d..d..diet. There I said it. I can't stop thinking about my diet, and dieting.

I've said before that I don't believe in diets. I believe that you either eat healthy, or you don't. And if you don't, then you are likely to put on weight. I can't really think of a time where I have ever been on a strict diet. Of course I have had times where I've watched what I ate, and a short time where I saw a naturopath for my diminishing energy levels where I started going gluten free for a while, but never a strict diet.

However I have to admit that I am not the slimmest of people, and I am a good 10kg overweight. I can make many excuses for that. I am a comfort eater, so when I get stressed I like nothing more than to sit on the couch with a big bowl of pasta, and a few glasses of wine. I have had many reasons to feel stressed over the years, and probably haven't learnt good coping skills. Of course the IVF and pregnancy all played a part in my fluctuating weight. I have also realised recently that I am a comfort baker. When I am tired, or stressed, I bake. This may not make sense to people, but I find it relaxing and a lot easier than trying to focus on something. Unfortunately, once you bake something, it is there to be eaten.

After I was diagnosed though I became much more aware of being healthy. Of course that began with going to the gym regularly. My motivation for that was purely to increase my strength and stamina. I was using the calories burnt on the equipment (I only did the crosstrainer and the exercise bike) as a guide for how well I had done that day, not necessarily because I wanted to lose weight. Nevertheless, becoming aware of the effort involved in exercise does change the way you eat. I remember coming home after burning off 250 calories thinking I had done so well. As a "treat" I thought I would grab a tim tam and checked the nutritional info on the packet. One biscuit is 100 calories. ONE biscuit. Two would completely undo any good I had done.

It has taken quite some time for my head to catch up with my desire to lose weight. I put on over 5kg while I was in hospital, partly from the dex, partly from that box of chocolates that I couldn't stop eating. I know that the dex makes me put on weight (it increases my appetite and makes me store fat) however I can't blame it completely. I did eat a lot of cake when I got home. And a glass or two of wine with dinner became more than an occassional habit. I have become quite down about my appearance. My face is a bit swollen I can tell, but I have a double chin now. And a pudgy belly that makes people think I'm pregnant. It is demoralising. But I want to change that.

Over the last few weeks I started to track my calorie intake for the day. And that is eye opening as well. It is very surprising how many calories are in simple things like cheese and pasta. For some time now, James and I have been aware of our portion sizes, and counting calories has confirmed what I thought - our general diet with meals is very healthy. However - the snacks I have throughout the day add up. Combined with doing things like finishing off the kids breakfasts, lunches etc, mean I was consuming quite a high calorie load.

So, these last few weeks I have been setting myself many little goals. To try and get to the gym 3 times per week (I was aiming for 4 but that was too much for me). I am doing a resistance program now which I'm enjoying. I also am trying to cut down on wheat products (not cutting out carbs, I don't believe in eliminating one thing from your diet, but there are a scarily high number of calories in carbohydrates so I can see why people cut it out) so that means more salads. We've cut down on the wine drastically (also a good thing for my health, blobby doesn't actually like wine I've learnt) and have cut out takeaways (mainly due to our tight budget but also for our health). I'm still struggling to reduce my baking as I just love to do it, but I am much more aware now of what goes into a recipe, and I can work out how many calories are in just one slice of that cake!

I don't really know if this will shift the weight. I may have to wait until I'm off the dex to really see any changes. But I know that I'm taking a step in the right direction. My overall goal is to be as healthy as I can be. Yes, life is too short to not eat that cake, but if you have too much cake, unfortunately, that cake will shorten your life.