Sunday, February 28, 2010

No needle day

Today was a no needle day! Yay! Yesterday, however, I had 4 in one day, plus a blood test where the nurse must have hit a vein and left me with a huge bruise. I had the last of the FSH yesterday morning before we went to see Warren for the last time before EPU. Things are still looking good, he says that I should get 20 eggs which is more than he would like, but they are all nice and even so we should have a good outcome. We talked about pain-relief post-operatively and he has given me a script for endone but recommended I try mersyndol first.
Last night we had the trigger shots. I was dreading these, as I remember that the needles were huge and painful last time. We had to do 2 of the pregnyl vials, which was fine as Mum is here now. Being a retired nurse she opens them like a pro! I did those first, and they stung a bit, but thought that the ovidrel would be worse. But when I opened that it was only a tiny needle and was very easy. We won't have any more injections until a few days after transfer although I don't know when Warren wants me to start on the clexane.
We had a busy day today - we went shopping at Ikea. I love that place, but it was tiring which was good as it kept me distracted. James and I are still at each others throats so I can't wait to be off these hormones. Charlotte loved Ikea too, until she got too tired and screamed the place down. I hope that she sleeps well tonight as we have to be up early and at the hospital by 6.45 am. She did a HUGE vomit before bed and is restless at the moment so I hope that she sleeps well tonight.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

A little bit cranky

I would say that I am a little bit cranky right now. James may disagree on that, he might think I'm alot cranky. I just find myself snapping at him for any little thing. I know that I am doing it, but can't stop it. I remember this from other cycles, so it is definitely the drugs, I hope. I am also at that point where I am just about jumping out of my skin. I feel like stopping and screaming, or just having a big cry. I'm also feeling sick this morning (I've already vomited once) and very tired. I didn't sleep well last night, either I felt too hot, too cold, I had restless legs, or needed to go to the loo. Charlotte was awake alot too and needed resettling and my ovaries just hurt. It hurts to walk, sit, move, lie down. It will be such a relief to have EPU and be over this stage. Tomorrow I have the last FSH injection which is good in a way, but heralds the start of all the other injections instead, which do hurt more.
I am in a conundrum today, I want to shut myself away but think if I get out and about I might feel a bit better. Well I might see if Charlotte wants a nap since she has been up since 6am and try to have one too.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Day 14

Todays appointment went alot better. I had to get up really early though for a 5.40am appointment! But I felt quite peaceful driving in to the city. There wasn't much traffic, the air had a nice crisp feel to it, and the sunrise was just beautiful. There has to be some bonuses to being awake at that time.
So we are all set for EPU on Monday. The follicles look good and I have between 14-16. They are a good size and are nice and even, everything is looking good. I told Warren that I would do the GA and he still thinks I would be fine, but I am going to wuss out. I am getting pains just through walking now. Knowing my luck though I will have a terrible reaction to the GA. I am also quite anxious that I will release my eggs too early, but I go back on Saturday for another check.
I take my last synarel tomorrow, then Saturday night I have the trigger shots - he wants me to do a double trigger so that means one shot of the ovidrel which is a big sucker of a needle, then two of the pregnyl. The pregnyl vials are one of the things I hate about cycling as we have shattered so many of them.
We have to be there by 6.45 am on Monday for an 8 am EPU, and hopefully I will be home by lunchtime. My Mum is able to come down this weekend so she will be able to look after Charlotte. I was really worried about that, it is hard to find someone who is free to babysit all day when until today I couldn't tell you what day, what time, for how long etc.
So today has been a long and tiring day. Charlotte is teething and is such a grizzle bum, not to mention her actual bum which is red raw. I have been lathering her in creams but it doesn't seem to help. This afternoon I gave in to my issues and let her run around naked. Of course she walked off the tiles and stood on the rug to do a pee - twice - which was very thoughtful of her. We have a swimming day tomorrow which she loves and I hope improves her mood.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Day 11

Well after feeling so upbeat yesterday I have come crashing down today. I was up at 5.30 this morning to see my FS. Actually, I was up at 2 am after Charlotte woke up screaming with a very pooey nappy. She hasn't done that in a while, so of course I started to worry if she has a gastro. It took nearly an hour to get her back to sleep then she woke again at 4.30 but needed only a quick cuddle.
After waiting for nearly an hour at the FS I had a quick appointment with him. I have responded well to the drugs, probably too well. I have 16 follicles. This is on the upper level for where they cancel the whole cycle. We talked about it and I really don't want to cancel it. He seemed happy for me to continue but I am at really high risk of hyperstimulation. I go back on Wednesday (day 14) for another check and we will see how I am going then, but otherwise I am on track for EPU either Friday or Monday. There is a big difference between those days so will see, Warren seemed to think it was more likely to be Monday.
I spoke to the same nurse I had spoken to on Friday about the GA and told her the news, and I have decided to go with the GA. 16 follies is alot to be poked and prodded for. And I don't want to get halfway through and find I can't handle it.
So I feel really down today. I am worried about being cancelled, but equally worried about OHSS. The last 2 EPU's have been excruciating afterwards and it looks like this one won't be any better. I am already getting the twinges and pains in my ovaries. I am also really tired today, although James let me have a nice long afternoon nap which helped.
Charlotte was fine for the rest of the day, even quite cheerful. We have James godparents staying with us and she seems to love having them here. It is quite lovely to see.
Time to go and take some more yucky drugs!

Friday, February 19, 2010

First bruises

Well today I noticed the first bruises from the injections. They are only little, but still looks yuck. You aren't really supposed to bruise but because I am taking the cardiprin it makes it more likely that I will. Plus they really show up on my fair skin. I am not looking forward to the clexane - last time my stomach was covered in deep black bruises. At least it is a good party trick to show off, and you get a bit of sympathy as everyone thinks it must really hurt (it only hurts a tiny bit).
I started back on the metformin 2 nights ago but just one a day. The first morning I felt a bit queasy, but I felt ok today. I am however starting to get tired and have headaches. I remember this from the last cycles so it is just from the FSH.
Otherwise I am feeling quite good emotionally. Today I felt quite teary over silly things like when I was watching the Olympics. I guess I must have really cared about the guy who won the ice skating, that's hormones for you! But I am feeling calm about the cycle itself. Realistically, I don't expect it to work, and I am ok with that. As long as we can get some frosties I will be happy. I think I am looking at this cycle as a means to getting some embryos in the bank, not necessarily to get pregnant. Knowing that we won't try again for several months is helping too. Doing back to back cycles last time wasn't really a good idea as I felt like it was a never ending cycle. I know that some will tell me that that isn't the way to be thinking about this cycle, but having so much hope and expectations for one event that may fail is just too much.
Money is still stressing me out, but we have had a bit of luck financially with some money coming through that we didn't expect as well as a gift from a family member. It means that we won't empty our savings account this cycle (close, but not quite). I might even spend the money and get a haircut since I haven't had one in nearly 6 months. Oh the luxury!
And I am still so undecided about the GA with EPU. It isn't about the money anymore, but more can I stand the pain vs. the risk of a GA. I spoke to one of the clinic nurses yesterday and she said that "Warren only offers it to you if he thinks you are tough enough to handle it". hmmm. I'm not sure my FS knows me as well as he thinks. I am going back tomorrow so will talk about it again with him then. One more week to go.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Day 6

The last few weeks have really felt like every day was a struggle. My nausea was getting worse and I was vomiting just about every day. It would start about an hour after I took the metformin, and last for a few hours. After that I would just struggle with no energy, still feeling sick, and so down. I could actually feel the drugs wearing off in the late afternoon. Yesterday was particularly bad, and I spent most of the day in tears. So I decided to stop taking the metformin.
This morning dawned on day 6, which is the day I start on the FSH injections. I saw my FS and he agreed to stop with metformin for a few days, but then start again with a lower dose, if I can tolerate it. Today I felt great! Still a little bit sick and tired but so much better than I have been.
The FS visit went well other than that. I appear to have several follicles already which is good although I still appear to have some cysts. I spoke with him again about doing the EPU without anaesthetic and he is all keen to do it. I am still a bit anxious about it, but it does appear to be a better option in terms of recovery. He said that if I can't cope then they can get the anaesthetist in during the procedure.
And we checked James latest results - you just want to make sure that we are doing this for a reason. His sperm count had gone up a bit to 35 million, which sounds great, except a healthy count is between 50 - 100 million. But worse is that his motility is 10% and his morphology (the shape which means a healthy sperm) is 9%. That's getting pretty low but is still usable.
I picked up my needles and FSH and did the first shot when I got home. I did hesitate at first, but managed to jab it in, and thankfully it didn't hurt at all. They use the pens that diabetics use so it really is painless. There are other drugs to come that do hurt though! Oh and I paid the fees today, that hurt ALOT.
I next go back to see him at day 11 and we will see how things go. Hopefully I will have 10 follies!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Still waiting

Time seems to be going so slow at the moment. Everyday seems long, and when you look back, the weeks are just crawling. I'm just waiting and counting days till we start properly on the IVF. I did start on the nasal spray (synarel) a few days ago. That stuff really is vile - it sits at the back of your throat for ages. I take it twice a day. I'm also still chowing down all my other tablets. Ever since I started I have felt really sick with some intense nausea. I have even had a few times where I have actually been sick. So much so that I got an early pregnancy test - just in case. But no, negative. I don't know why I ever thought it could be, but I have been feeling so sick every day. But there was one cycle where I felt this sick. It was an FET and in the second week after transfer I was vomiting every morning. I was feeling pretty confident - until AF arrived. So I am now wondering if this is all in my head. I felt a bit better today, but I also wore those acupressure bands all day too, and they seem to help.
I am actually looking forward to starting on the FSH. It will feel like I am really cycling then. And then I will have an excuse for why I am snapping at James! We have both been a bit snippy, but we are both worried about his work situation which isn't helping.
At least there is now some decent TV on (Yes I admit it, I love watching "So you think you can Dance"). Pity it is on past 9pm! I had a few nights this week where I have been up past 10pm and it just wrecks me for the next day. Especially since Charlotte thinks that 5 am is a good time to be awake. I can't blame her really, the sun is shining, the birds are singing. I keep telling her it is night time and time to go back to bed, but she isn't listening! In a few weeks though I'll have to be up at that time anyway to go and get blood tests done, so it is good practice. Maybe.